salvation army

I have just watched an episode of Judge Judy where she told a woman to her face, a woman who was separated from her husband and refusing to let him see their two young children,  that only a vicious, nasty dried-up old lady would do such a thing.  I wish that she had been around to say that to my ex-wife!!  My sister-in-law was over recently.  She is 77 and believes that it is all my fault!  She says it was terrible of me to have "deserted" my wife and children!! I cannot explain that my wife wanted me to have no contact.  I still have the divorce papers in which she says that she does not want the children to come into contact with any of my friends in case it exposes them to "sin".  We had dinner with another friend (58) this week and she said that for a husband to go off with a man is impossible for a woman to deal with!  All I know is that more than 30 years have now passed.  The damage is done and I have to accept that I shall have no contact whatsoever with my ex-wife, my children and my grandchildren.

child support

I have never understood why there should be no correlation between access and child maintenance.  I was judicially kept away from my children yet I was expected to send quite a lot of money every month to my wife to support them!  When I first left, my wife was still at home with the children.  I paid all of my monthly salary into her bank account to support both her and the children.  I had to find a second well-paid job in order to support myself.  I was a civil servant working at the Elephant & Castle.  I managed to find a job in a bookie's in Cambridge Road, Kingston.  The owner was called Ivor Thomas.  It was absolutely awful for me since, having been brought up in the Salvation Army where any form of gambling was forbidden, I now found myself in the thick of it all.  The betting shop was opposite a tower block of council flats from where most of the punters came to place their bets.  On a saturday morning it was very busy.  There was a manager and two staff.  I was responsible for writing up the board and for taking bets.  It was all very quick -bets were usually thrown across the counter just before the off and had to be put through the till before the off. The tills were not automatic and we had to calculate the 10% tax in our heads.  My till was never even one penny out.  The job was very well paid but the draw-back was that I was not at home with Ken all weekend, nor on Bank Holidays.  Nevertheless, it enabled me to live since all of my salary went in support of my wife and children.  It needs to be appreciated that, for the first eighteen months after I left, my wife was not working and I was paying the mortgage and all of the bills.  When my younger son turned three years old my wife went back to work part time as a teacher and, as a result, I was able to reduce the amount I was giving the family.  Even before the divorce I was giving her 150 pounds per month, voluntarily and with no tax relief!  During the late 70s.  My salary was only 10,000 pounds per year!!  In my view I was not the sort of absent father who deserts the family without a penny and avoids paying maintenance!!  Even so, I have been spoken of really badly by my ex-wife and family - even up to the present date!!

absentee fathers

I read recently a comment from David Cameron about fathers who desert their children.  I suspect that no-one really knows anything about such fathers.  From what I have read, a large percentage of fathers who have become separated or divorced are prevented from seeing their children by the mother!  When I first left my wife I tried to see my children at least every week.  It was very difficult because my older child always waved goodbye with tears streaming down his face.  My wife, too, found the visits very distressing.  One evening, as I was leaving, she told me that every time she saw me it was like having a knife plunged into her heart and then twisted.  She also acknowledged that my visits were upsetting my older son who was five years old at the time.  We discussed the situation and, together, we agreed that I would temporarily stop the visits and that she would contact me when she felt stronger.  With hindsight I believe it was a plan to prevent me from having any contact with her and the children.  A plan which succeeded!  She was being greatly helped by two of my brothers and by the Staines Salvation Army.  One of the Bandsmen was the Clerk to the Staines Magistrates Court.  I was paid a visit by a social worker who - by some great coincidence! had been a music teacher, and was also a church-goer!  I could tell instantly that she was hostile towards me!  In her report to the judge she suggested that I was a promiscuous homosexual and recommended that access to my children would be prejudicial.  Acting on her report, the Judge denied me any access to my children and this was written into the decree absolute.  Many people told me to fight the order, but I knew my wife only too well and between them, she, my brothers and her family would not only make thingsdifficult for me, but also for the two boys.  I therefore became one of David Camerons absentee fathers!

salvation army

I don't really know how to proceed.  I feel really let down by the Salvation Army and by my family.  I don't consider myself at all to be a bad person, but they do!  One of my brothers continues to do everything he can to discredit me with my ex-wife and with my sons.  The last time I saw him and said that I should be pleased to be able to have some sort of relationship with my younger son.  He responded with:  "I can tell you now that it will never happen!"   As a matter of fact I saw my younger son for the first time  in more than 30 years, at my mother's funeral.  He looked at me with complete curiosity but we never spoke.  I was terrified of rejection if I had approached him.  I only wish that another member of my family had acted as mediator.   I was staying with my sister in Cardiff Christmas 2010 soon after my mother had died.  She showed me the invitation she had received to my younger son's forthcoming wedding.  It was called: "the Awesome Wedding".  She actually went all the way to some small village in Essex for the wedding.  Upon entering she saw my troublemaking brother talking to my daughter-in-law telling her how unreliable I was and that they would be better off having no contact with me!  As soon as they saw her they stopped the conversation!  During the wedding ceremony the meaning of the term "Awesome"  became clear.  My younger son had changed his surname by deed poll  from Kerslake to Awsomé!!  I have to say that since before Christmas 2010 I have heard nothing from my children so I guess that my brother has triumphed.

I suppose I knew I was homosexual from about 12 years old.  That is to say that I was attracted to men rather than women.  The salvation army taught me that gayness was a sin and therefore I tried to live within the rules.  I can say in all honesty that I never had any homosexual experience until I was 28.  In school I never experimented;  I was studying at Nottingham Teacher Training College for three years and never had any gay experience at all.  I remember one end of term dance after which I was to have a lift home to Twickenham when a girl named Brenda tried to kiss me and slip her tongue in my mouth!  The experience repulsed me!  Nevertheless, my Christian faith prevented me from even attempting a homosexual experience.  At 21 years of age I returned to Twickenham having decided not to become a teacher!  At first I found a temporary job in Bentalls at Kingston while I applied to become a civil servant.  I worked in the toy department over the Christmas period on the Western stand - cowboys and guns;  but I couldn't wait to demonstrate touch tapestry when the woman on the nighbouring stand was away at coffee!  After Christmas I worked in linens over the sale period.  In March I started in the Civil Service.  I was assigned to work as a direct entrant executive officer in the Ministry of Health, Alexander Fleming House, Elephant & Castle.  The only time I was ever in London was on a school trip to see the sights.  I can still remember the shock of arriving for my first day at work at Waterloo Station and walking to the Elephant & Castle!  Nevertheless, I worked there for the following 21 years!

salvation army

On tuesday evenings we went to band practice;  on thusdays it was choir practice and on Sundays we went to the salvation army for a church service.  Mum came with us on Sundays but Dad was an atheist so hardly ever attended.  Dad always said that at 14 years of age we should make up our own minds whether we wanted to continue with religion or give it up!  My older brother played the cornet in the band and excelled,  as he did in everything he attempted!  At 14 years old he walked up to the bandmaster, handed in his cornet and walked out, never to return!  At 15 years of age my sister decided to leave as well.  That left my two younger brothers and me!  I must say that the Salvation Army became my whole life.  Later on there was a Bible study class on Mondays, choir practice on thursdays from 8pm til 10pm and band parctice on tuesdays.  Sundays were completely full - open air at 10am followed by the service from 11 til 12;  afternoon sunday school at 2pm followed by the praise meeting until 4pm,  then another open-air at 6pm followed by the evening meeting until 8.30, followed by a youth group which laste until 10.30pm!

beginnings

I should start at the beginning!  During the Second World War my older brother was born in Plymouth, where my grandparents lived.  When the war ended, my parents moved back to Twickenham to the family home of my paternal grandmother.  The problem with the maternal grandparents was that they were Rechabites and considered alcohol to be the demon drink.  My father enjoyed beer and whisky and because of the friction this caused, he moved back to London.  I was the second son, born towards the end of 1946 and my parents had by then acquired a prefab from the council into which the four of us moved.  It was the most wonderful home!  Eighteen months later, my younger brother was born.  In 1950, another brother arrived and, in 1955 our little sister was born in the prefab!  We were therefore all seven of us in a little two-bedroomed prefab!  My mother had been a Methodist in her home village of Honicknowle.  From the start, in Twickenham, she visited the Methodist Church to enquire about Sunday School.  She was told that five years old was the minimum age to start.  This was no good for my mother!  So we all started in the Salvation Army - good twenty minute walk from our house - because the Salvation Army would accept anyone!!  Thus it was that, as a babe in arms, I went to the Salvation Army in May Road, Twickenham.  It became my life;  I joined the junior choir and the junior band and learned to read music and to play a brass instrument.

salvation army

I am sure that if other salvationists discover this blog and if members of my family find it, there may be repercussions for me.  I know that there is a lot of ill-will out there.  Some years ago I wrote a couple of letters the the publication called "Salvationist" and both letters were in fact published.  My ex-wife did not attend Staines Corps on the Sunday saying that I had humiliated her!!  My brother telephoned my Mother and called her a bastard for sending the Salvation Army periodicals to me here in Spain.  My ex-wife pulled a few strings with friends at the International HQ of the Salvation Army (Queen Victoria Street, London) and the upshot was that the editor was told not to accept any further correspondence from me!   So you can see that they might even attempt to prevent me from blogging on this site!!

defrocked

I wanted to tell my story in this blog because, when I tell people that the Salvation Army kicked me out for being a homosexual, very few believe me!  I can only tell my story from my own point of view.  Naturally there are some - in particular, members of my own family, - who argue that everything that happened was my own  fault.  I still find it hard to believe that, after more than 30 years, christianity has done nothing to soften the hard hearts of some people, and that bitterness can be so deeply ingrained in the hearts and minds of human beings who once loved me.  I was married and yes, we had two sons and  the Salvation Army had been my life since I was three years old but, at the age of  34, when I came out as gay and left my wife and children to be with a man, I lost everything - the Salvation Army struck me off, my family disowned me, and my wife obtained a Court Order during the divorce, preventing me from having any access to my children!