I suppose I knew I was homosexual from about 12 years old.  That is to say that I was attracted to men rather than women.  The salvation army taught me that gayness was a sin and therefore I tried to live within the rules.  I can say in all honesty that I never had any homosexual experience until I was 28.  In school I never experimented;  I was studying at Nottingham Teacher Training College for three years and never had any gay experience at all.  I remember one end of term dance after which I was to have a lift home to Twickenham when a girl named Brenda tried to kiss me and slip her tongue in my mouth!  The experience repulsed me!  Nevertheless, my Christian faith prevented me from even attempting a homosexual experience.  At 21 years of age I returned to Twickenham having decided not to become a teacher!  At first I found a temporary job in Bentalls at Kingston while I applied to become a civil servant.  I worked in the toy department over the Christmas period on the Western stand - cowboys and guns;  but I couldn't wait to demonstrate touch tapestry when the woman on the nighbouring stand was away at coffee!  After Christmas I worked in linens over the sale period.  In March I started in the Civil Service.  I was assigned to work as a direct entrant executive officer in the Ministry of Health, Alexander Fleming House, Elephant & Castle.  The only time I was ever in London was on a school trip to see the sights.  I can still remember the shock of arriving for my first day at work at Waterloo Station and walking to the Elephant & Castle!  Nevertheless, I worked there for the following 21 years!

salvation army

On tuesday evenings we went to band practice;  on thusdays it was choir practice and on Sundays we went to the salvation army for a church service.  Mum came with us on Sundays but Dad was an atheist so hardly ever attended.  Dad always said that at 14 years of age we should make up our own minds whether we wanted to continue with religion or give it up!  My older brother played the cornet in the band and excelled,  as he did in everything he attempted!  At 14 years old he walked up to the bandmaster, handed in his cornet and walked out, never to return!  At 15 years of age my sister decided to leave as well.  That left my two younger brothers and me!  I must say that the Salvation Army became my whole life.  Later on there was a Bible study class on Mondays, choir practice on thursdays from 8pm til 10pm and band parctice on tuesdays.  Sundays were completely full - open air at 10am followed by the service from 11 til 12;  afternoon sunday school at 2pm followed by the praise meeting until 4pm,  then another open-air at 6pm followed by the evening meeting until 8.30, followed by a youth group which laste until 10.30pm!

beginnings

I should start at the beginning!  During the Second World War my older brother was born in Plymouth, where my grandparents lived.  When the war ended, my parents moved back to Twickenham to the family home of my paternal grandmother.  The problem with the maternal grandparents was that they were Rechabites and considered alcohol to be the demon drink.  My father enjoyed beer and whisky and because of the friction this caused, he moved back to London.  I was the second son, born towards the end of 1946 and my parents had by then acquired a prefab from the council into which the four of us moved.  It was the most wonderful home!  Eighteen months later, my younger brother was born.  In 1950, another brother arrived and, in 1955 our little sister was born in the prefab!  We were therefore all seven of us in a little two-bedroomed prefab!  My mother had been a Methodist in her home village of Honicknowle.  From the start, in Twickenham, she visited the Methodist Church to enquire about Sunday School.  She was told that five years old was the minimum age to start.  This was no good for my mother!  So we all started in the Salvation Army - good twenty minute walk from our house - because the Salvation Army would accept anyone!!  Thus it was that, as a babe in arms, I went to the Salvation Army in May Road, Twickenham.  It became my life;  I joined the junior choir and the junior band and learned to read music and to play a brass instrument.

salvation army

I am sure that if other salvationists discover this blog and if members of my family find it, there may be repercussions for me.  I know that there is a lot of ill-will out there.  Some years ago I wrote a couple of letters the the publication called "Salvationist" and both letters were in fact published.  My ex-wife did not attend Staines Corps on the Sunday saying that I had humiliated her!!  My brother telephoned my Mother and called her a bastard for sending the Salvation Army periodicals to me here in Spain.  My ex-wife pulled a few strings with friends at the International HQ of the Salvation Army (Queen Victoria Street, London) and the upshot was that the editor was told not to accept any further correspondence from me!   So you can see that they might even attempt to prevent me from blogging on this site!!

defrocked

I wanted to tell my story in this blog because, when I tell people that the Salvation Army kicked me out for being a homosexual, very few believe me!  I can only tell my story from my own point of view.  Naturally there are some - in particular, members of my own family, - who argue that everything that happened was my own  fault.  I still find it hard to believe that, after more than 30 years, christianity has done nothing to soften the hard hearts of some people, and that bitterness can be so deeply ingrained in the hearts and minds of human beings who once loved me.  I was married and yes, we had two sons and  the Salvation Army had been my life since I was three years old but, at the age of  34, when I came out as gay and left my wife and children to be with a man, I lost everything - the Salvation Army struck me off, my family disowned me, and my wife obtained a Court Order during the divorce, preventing me from having any access to my children!